Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
