Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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