not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
