I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize