its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
