That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think my mom watched the whole time
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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