if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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