Did you just see the Batmobile???
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
