he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
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Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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