i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
