Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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