Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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