coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
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