so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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