I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
