Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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