I'm really into asian looking animals
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
