i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
