Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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