I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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