All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're like the curious george of whores
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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