1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
