I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
People in love make me want to vomit
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
