You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
