He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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