Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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