But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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