Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
