i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize