This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
