You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
