mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
