During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize