btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Never let your siblings swipe right.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
