i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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