Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
