Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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