I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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