I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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