he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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