we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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