What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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