I chose taco bell over sex...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies