fuck your aforementioned shoe
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman