I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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