just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
