checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home