Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
As shirtless as possible
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.