My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND