:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
