i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
