she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
