I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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