You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The uberlube is also flammable
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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