K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Houston, we have a squirter
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
