Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
