Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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