omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
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