I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
