I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
