Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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