Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
