ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
