Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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