and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
