arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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