how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Your dad touched me again.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
