At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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