My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
