Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
