Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
