So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
