the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
