Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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