I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
