he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
They took my balls.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
