i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
