I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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