just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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