I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
