i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
