you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
