i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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