I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Green mimosas i think yes
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
