Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
