i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
