K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
